Anything Can Happen In Alaska
by Not An Infant
Summary: Booth's hands are REALLY FREEZING....Brennan finds a way to warm him up. inspired by a crude joke I read months ago. Dedicated to SOMETHING WITTY GOES HERE. Rated T for...... evil smile
1. The Scheme

**Title :Anything Can Happen In Alaska**

**Author: Not An Infant**

**Rating: T**

**Summary: Booth's hands are really freezing! Brennan knows how to warm him up.**

**Disclaimer: Neither Bones NOR Anna Karenina NOR **_**Jokes Men Won't Laugh At **_**is mine.**

**A/N: This is my first ever multi-chapter story, so cut me 1% slack if it sucks in any way. The whole story was inspired by a Joke in a book called **_**Jokes Men Won't Laugh at. **_**When it's over, I'll share to original joke. As promised, This is for you, SOMETHING WITTY GOES HERE. Hope it's a blast to read! It was a blast to write!**

Chapter One---The Scheme

"This is absolutely ridiculous," Bones huffed, shivering in her knitted brown sweater.

"Come on, Bones," said Booth easily, shrugging his puffy coat over his shoulders. "It's part of the process. We check into a hotel as a couple, it's the only way to catch Gunn undercover, and you agreed to it."

"That's not what I'm talking about?"

"Then what?" Booth frowned.

"You didn't tell me we had to check into a hotel in _Alaska!"_ Bones seethed. The howling wind of the blizzard outside seemed to back her up pretty well.

They were staying in a wide, cozy, loft-like hotel room with wooden walls and floors. The oversized purple couch was placed too close to the fireplace, which was shrinking due to the lack of firewood inside. It was the only light in the room besides to large candles on the side tables and long coffee table.

"So what? It's Alaska," said Booth, hiding the nervousness in his voice; he knew full well that Bones would not have come if he had mentioned the location of the crime-fighting, but he needed her there to solve the case personally. He no longer bothered to shy away from the main reason why he needed her in the flesh; everyone knows that a cold night is nothing to spend alone.

"I work as an anthropologist who solves cases at _home, _not a million miles away!" said Bones furiously, crossing her legs tightly, which were covered in gray tights that did nothing for her warmth. Not even the many scarves and pillows she had placed around her helped. "I could be enjoying the mild weather of November, and instead you throw me in the middle of a frozen iceland--"

"_Waste_land, Bones,"Booth said, shaking his head.

"Either way, this land is _frozen!" _Bones hissed.

"Look, I'm going to go get more firewood from outside. You just sit tight, okay?" said Booth, rushing out the door before she could reply.

"Ugh!" She growled, tightening her arms. She hated the cold. She hated Alaska. She hated Booth.

That was a lie. She did not hate Booth. She _loved _him.

It was something she had taken a long time to come to grips with, and after the moment between her and Booth at the Egyptian party three weeks ago, she had no choice but to acknowledge what was slapping her in the face; she had wanted to kiss him, so badly, so tenderly. She wanted him to tell her that he had lied to her when he said his love for her was merely professional. She wanted so much to punch Angela in her smirking face for interrupting what could have been the pinnacle of her miserable life. There was no point in sugar-coating it--her life was miserable before she met Booth, and her life would continue to be miserable until he made a move on her again.

But then another voice whispered in her head, a voice that sounded quite like Angela..."Why can't _you _make the move on Booth? What makes you so special from him? You should take control."

A slow smile graced the corners of her pink lips. _Why not, indeed._

_*********************************************_

Booth barely made it through the door without the wind throwing him off balance; he was peppered in frost and was a little wobbly after he closed the door, breathing hard.

_This cold is ridiculous, _he thought grudgingly. He dropped the many logs of firewood from his arms onto the floor before throwing off his coat. He made to put the logs into the fireplace when he realized the Bones was no longer on the couch.

"Bones?" he called out uncertainly.

"In here, Booth," a smooth voice of silk answered.

From the bedroom.

He shuddered involuntarily, and it had nothing to do with the cold. What if she was in the shower? What if she was naked and thought that it was normal for him to see her?

_Calm down,Booth, she knows better with you. She probably just went in there because it got so cold out here._

"I got some wood for the fireplace," he said, cursing himself for letting his voice tremble. "Just thought you should know."

"Thanks," she replied. "You should come in here, though, while the fire is warming up the rest of the area."

Booth swallowed so hard that he knew she could hear it. "Okay," he said.

He took a little longer than necessary stoking the fires and making sure the fire wouldn't spread anywhere else. He thought he should know by now that Bones wouldn't see the sexuality of the situation. he could not let her see what it was doing to him. So he took a deep breath and walked calmly to the bedroom.

"Come on, big guy," he whispered to himself, as he opened the door.

He should've known it would come to this.

Bones was lying in the plumped, stuffed comforters and pillows of the king-sized bed, dressed in naught but a white silk nightgown. If you could call it a nightgown; it was lacy and sheer and barely grazed her knees. She was reading a thick black book that said, "Anna Karenina" on the cover. her hair seemed to glow in the night light, falling across her chest like water.

"This book is extremely intriguing," she said, looking up at him. "Although a vivid portrait of the nineteenth century Russian environment, the characters in the book make the most illogical decisions. Anna, for one, completely disregards her family and social position for a physical affair with an engaged Count who was going to marry a girl named Kitty. then Kitty herself is illogical because she rejects the proposal of another man named Levin who cares about her more than her money. Finally, a woman named Dolly takes her husband back after he cheats on her with the nanny! How many respectable women do that these days? I'd rather not know."

She had been crossing and uncrossing her legs as she spoke, moving the hem of her gown dangerously up her thigh.

_Keep. Your. Eyes. On. Her. Face._

"Well, it's a complete fiction, for one thing," said Booth, thanking God for keeping his voice level. "So none of that stuff really happened."

"Technically, it did happen, Booth," she argued. "The author of this book clearly brought much of his surrounding atmosphere into his work, and it is most likely that it's happening now, somewhere in Siberia."

"But everybody makes mistakes, Bones," said Booth. "So of course it is going to happen in real life."

"That's what makes it so intriguing," countered Bones. "That there are human beings living on this Earth who would do such ridiculous things without any notice of how it affects others."

Booth squinted his eyes at her. She didn't bat an eyelash. " I really don't get it."

"Real life is fascinating, Booth," she explained, an eager sparkle creeping into her creamy blue eyes. "Real life excites me in some way. People who choose to just go for what they think is right for the moment amazes me. I could never see myself acting on impulse lie that. Everything has to be planned for me, and some may say I'm missing out, but in the end, I'm better off than they are!"

Booth had to admit, she had a valid point. "I can see where getting the last laugh is worth a monotonous life."

Bones looked confused. "I can assure you there will be more laughs for other people after I get mine from whoever chooses to give it to me. At least, until the sun gives out. And that won't be for a another billion or so years."

".......okay," said a dazed Booth, after staring at his partner with his mouth half opened. "I hope you're warm in here."

"Oh, yes, thank you," she said, the bright smile coming back to her pale face. "I'm so warm, actually, that I'm slightly perspiring, see?" she put down her book and held out her arm....

Booth clenched his teeth so hard his jaw hurt; her long, white, slender, smooth, _glistening _arm. A wild urge to touch it, to grab it and pull her towards him, blinded his senses for a split second.

"Yeah, I s-see it," he choked out, cursing God apologetically for letting him stutter like that. Another curse soon followed when Bones picked up on it.

"What's wrong?Are you cold?"

It took just that question to wake Booth up to his freezing body. His hands felt numb, and his teeth began to chatter.

Bones took his hands and gasped. "Goodness, Booth, you're colder than ice! Didn't you wear any mittens?"

"N-no," Booth stammered again, and this time it really was because of the cold, although her petite hands were warming his hands slightly.

"Well, my hands aren't going to do anything for you," she said decidedly,and, to Booth's horror, and she let go of him and sat on the edge of the bed.

"But, but,"Booth spluttered stupidly. "But, my--My hands are really freezing!"

"I know," said Bones, and she smirked. "Put these between my thighs instead, and you'll be warmed up."

**A/N: CLIFF HANGER, HANGING FROM A CLIIIIIIFF....AND THAT'S WHY IT'S CALLED CLIFF HANGER!!!!!!!!(from "Between The Lions" xD)**

**This is only the beginning, my friends. Stick around to see how Booth will react.**


	2. The First Incident

**Title: Anything Can Happen In Alaska**

**Author: Not An Infant**

**Rating: T**

**Summary: Booth's hands are really freezing! Brennan knows how to warm him up.**

**Disclaimer: Neither Bones NOR Campbell's Soup NOR **_**Jokes Men Won't Laugh At **_**is mine.**

**A/N: Oh My God!!!!! THank you all for so many wonderful reviews! I love how into it you guys are! What did I do to deserve such wonderul reviewers!!!!!! (does a little dance) I could SING...but I don't want your ears to bleed. I swear, I will not let any of you down! I will amke you all suffer for more and more and MORE!!!!! Enjoy the second installment!!!!!!! YAY!**

Chapter Two--The First Incident

It is a curious thing, watching an egg crack. One moment, the exterior is smooth and cool, and the next second, it's shattered like a window, threatening to leak whatever is inside. It's simple and not out of the ordinary. After you crack it, you put it in the trash and move on.

Watching a man crack is much more entertaining, Bones concluded while watching utter horror and shock wash over Booth's face. His jaw was at level with his shoulders, his eyes were wide and wild, and his eyebrows were so amusingly shaped that it took all she had NOT to burst out laughing. She was going to enjoy cracking _that _shell night after night after night...

"Wha-wha-wha-"

_Poor man._

"Wha-wha-whoa, whoa, WHOA!" Booth finally came out with, holding up his arms in front of her. "Put my hands between your-WHAT?! No, no, _no way!"_

"Put your hands between my thighs, Booth,and you'll feel better," Bones rationalized.

Now, Bones may have been clueless to most things, but she wasn't stupid. She knew perfectly well that his hands weren't the only things that were going to feel...good. But that was the entire point. She had seen some movies and read some book; it is apparently a major "turn-on" when a woman offers herself in such a way that she disguises her sexual intentions for something completely innocent.

Although, judging by Booth's face, she may have picked an all too revealing way to do this.

"But putting my hands between your thighs is..." Booth struggled to find the right words. "Un-partner-ly"

Bones couldn't help it; she let out a snort of laughter that caused Booth's eyebrows to creep together.

"I highly doubt that is an actual word, Booth," she said. He stared at her even longer in silence.

"You seriously don't get what's wrong with this picture?" he whimpered.

"No," said Bones as convincingly as she could.

_It feels irrationally good playing dumb._

"Temperance," he began, after taking a deep breath and composing his face.

"First name basis. I suppose you're being serious," said Bones conversationally. He ignored her.

"When a man puts his hands between a woman's...thighs," he gulped. "He usually has to be _with _her. That would lessen the awkwardness of the situation."

"Well, of course, he has to be _with _her," said Bones crossly, crossing her arms. "He can't do it if she's in a different location!"

Booth flinched; was it wrong to enjoy the suffering she was putting him through?

"No, I mean _with _her, as in dating her, or married to her, or--"

"Or simply there to satisfy her biological urges?" Bones added in. It was official; she was getting _way _too much fun out of this.

"Yeah, Bones, whatever," said Booth exasperatedly. "Just...do you get the problem here?" They stared at each other for a heartbeat.

"Booth, that makes no sense, which is why I call it nonsensical nonsense," Bones finally said smugly.

"Huh?"

"It does not matter how that status of the relationship is as long as the woman's got warm thighs to offer." Hey, maybe she _was _a better actress than she thought. She hadn't cracked a smile once.

"Okay, BONES?" said Booth, his voice rising in panic. "You honestly don't know how long I have been brought up to be a gentleman! And gentlemen do NOT put their hands between thier PARTNER'S thighs, no matter what the reason!"

"Then don't be a gentleman!" said Bones, shaking her head, trying to look exasperated.

Booth's face flushed a deep pink. "Oh my god," he mumbled, grabbing his cheeks. "If you make me put my hands between your...your..."

"Thighs?" asked Bones, crossing her legs and letting the hem of her dress slide even further upward.

Booth bit his lips so hard she wondered when they would bleed.

"Bones, I swear, I am going to walk out of this room and go to a bar _alone _the moment you're done!" She sensed an easy victory.

"Fine, you do that. But you _are _going to put your hands between my thighs." And finally, she squinted her eyes at him, making it clear that she was done with the argument.

he threw his hands in the air. "I'm going to kill myself." he said in amazement.

"Not before you put your hands between my thighs!" she insisted.

_Damn, I'm good._

**********************

The figurative term for the word "torn" is to have great difficulty in choosing between two things. For instance, Seeley Booth was torn between running out of the house in a heartbeat and taking up his only chance to touch those creamy, meaty white thighs. (He is fully aware of his sinful issues.) Between grasping the god Catholic in his head and obeying the red-blooded male in his hands. She _was _offering herself--her THIGHS, he meant. And she was doing it with complete nonchalance, the nonchalance of a casual friend giving away a two dollar bill when she had a million more at home.

Clearly, the woman wasn't going to back down anytime soon. As much as he didn't want to put them in an awkward situation, he could not bring himself to deny her something so simple. Not a victim of abandonement and disappointment.

He sighed and held out his hands. She smiled widely and parted her thighs daintily. Slowly, very very slowly, his hands pushed the surface of the bed between her thighs. in a split second, she had locked them in a warm grip.

It was better than he expected; either she knew how to shave closely or her skin had stayed as smooth as a baby's cheek. While the skin itself was pale as marble, the heat radiating from her inner thighs suggested a ruddy colored epidermis. When she had locked her knees together, his fingers were comfortably cushioned against puffy, slender sleekness.

_Who was I kidding? I'll never be able to live without this again._

Bones reached down and pulled her bag from the floor to her side. "I brought the x-rays from the Jeffersionian with me to look over," she said calmly. "I think I found something unusual within the spheniod that could suggest foulplay..."

She trailed off in antropological shit that he didn't recognize but usual was able to follow until he caught on to SOMETHING. But seeing as he had his _hands _in her THIGHS,all bets were off. He instead indulged himself in focusing on her pretty little face. Even when her nickname for him used to be, "you rat _bastard," _and he once called her Bones just to make her mad, he never had a problem with appreciating the prominence of her cheekbones, which complimented her smooth lips and stunningly blue eyes. A rosiness was rising in her cheeks that he had never seen before, making her entire form somewhat warmer and more cozy than before.

Seriously. It was like her entire frame was outlined by a fuzzy blur of light. Like she was a pale crystal in his hands. Or was it just the yellowing lights that illuminated her face...

And then the fort for his....er..._Mini-Booths_ began to build firepower within the walls of their...fortress.

"Uh, Bones?" he squeaked; _damn it, Booth, you had to squeak! _"I think my hands are warm now."

She turned around to face him, and he realized that he had subconsiously leaned his chest against er shoulder to get a better view of her spectacular visage. For a second, he felt his lungs contrict at the sensation of her hot breath against his tingling lips.

"Oh, yes, of course," she agreed, looking uncharacteristaclly flustered. She quickly parted her legs again the same time that he withdrew his hands.

"Okay, so...yeah," Booth said nervously, rubbing his hands together; his soldiers squirmed again when he felt a light sheet of sweat between his fingers. "Uh, why don't we have some dinner? The storm is so bad out there, we shouldn't even risk getting blown away." _Oh, man. You used a figure of speech._

"That's not actually possible, Booth," said Bones, hastening to follow Booth out the bedroom. "The body mass and weight of the two of us combined would be able to withstand any kind of snow unless we were in an avalanche."

"Well, I'm still not gonna take that risk," said Booth, opening the cupboard an array of canned foods. "You like Campell's Chili?"

**A/N: Okay, so this is the FIRST time he put his hands between her legs, but as we all know with Brennan, one thing always leads to something bigger! Once again, thank you ALL for the WONDERFUL reviews! I felt so touched!!!!! **

**BTW, I have decided to update thses chapters every Thursday in place of the show until BASEBALL is over (ugh.) In Fact, I will even post it at EXACTLY 8:00pm, to keep you guys wishing for Thursday night again. That way, we can all have something to look forward to. ;)**


	3. The Ice Cream

**Title: Anything Can Happen In Alaska**

**Author: Not An Infant**

**Rating: T**

**Summary: Booth's hands are really freezing! Brennan knows how to warm him up.**

**Disclaimer: Neither Bones NOR Ben & Jerry's Ice Cream NOR **_**Jokes Men Won't Laugh At **_**is mine.**

**A/N: Sorry I was like ten minutes later than I wanted to be!!! Won't Happen again!!! This is just a prelude to the second incident. I hope you enjoy. reviews keep me posting.**

Chapter Three--The Ice Cream

"Mr. Moby was not telling the truth," said Booth the moment they entered the hotel room.

"You can't just assume that he was lying without any facts, Booth," said Bones in irritation. "How many times do I have to tell you that?"

"And how many times has my gut been right, Bones?" he retorted, kicking off his shoes. "Can't you just use inductive reasoning for a sec? If the pattern is that my gut has always proved _right, _then there is a good chance it is right _this time."_

Bones gaped at him. "You used my own logic against me," she said in wonder.

"Yeah. Surprised?" he asked sarcastically, hanging up his coat on the coat hanger. Bones composed herself.

"All the same, I don't set much store by inductive reasoning. Just because you've been right by your 'gut' metaphorically before doesn't mean that history will repeat itself every time."

"Come on, Bones, did you LOOK at his face?" asked Booth sharply, going to the sink to wash his hands**. **"He's got 'evil' written all over his ass."

"I wouldn't make such a quick assumption based on looking at his face, Booth," said Bones sternly, standing behind him. "Unless he pulls down his pants and reveals tattoos of 'evil' all over his ass, you have no right to say that."

"Oh, dear God," Booth breathed to the ceiling.

'What?" said Bones, frowning.

"Nothing! Okay...When someone says they've got something written all over them, it means that the person seems that way."

"...'written all over'...?"

"Yes! You, for instance, have 'smart' written all over you." He flashed her his charm smirk, which widened after she blushed. "You answer a lot of questions I have, and you can tell everything about a person by just looking at their _bones. _Therefore, I can _infer _that you are smart."

Bones smiled as she washed her hands. "Thank you. I get it now."

Booth smiled in victory and plopped himself on the couch for a minute. After a moment, he heard her voice from the kitchen.

"But what does it have to do with his ass?"

"Oh, Lord _Jesus," _he moaned, leaning his head back into a pillow and looking up pleadingly at the ceiling again.

"I've noticed you like to say the names of your deities whenever you are somewhat annoyed," said Bones, walking towards her bedroom. "I have to say, I'm amused by it. Thanks for paying for dinner, by the way."

The door was calmly shut before he had a chance to say anything. _Damn anthropologist, _he thought to himself, smiling widely. _But hey, she's my anthropologist._

He stoked the fire a little bit, awakening it from its deep sleep.

It had been exactly twenty-four hours since they had sat in the bedroom together with his hands in her thighs, after which he had hightailed it out other room and distracted both of them with two steaming bowls of Campell's Vegetable soup. He had unwillingly kept his distance from her until his Mini-Booths had calmed down. So far, he had done his best to act as normal as if nothing ever happened. She was certainly unafected by the whole thing; she was as disagreeable and adorably clueless as ever, and by the time they were in the car out the way to the Alaskan Police Station, he felt like they were back at the lab again. Of course, it was during the day. Now back at home, the feelings of uncertainty and nervousness crept into his brain. When was she going to sit down and say, _We need to talk about last night? _The time for compartmentalizing was over; maybe she needed answers.

"I think I'm gonna make dessert," he said to himself. "Clear my head a bit."

Instantly into his mind came the image of the bag of pecans, chocolate syrup, whipped cream, and vanilla ice cream in the fridge. A sneaky smile graced his lips. _The dessert of a lifetime...I wonder if she knows what that means..._

**************

You know that pleasant reaction to hot water massaging your neck in pressure-filled droplets while soothing your scalp and opening your sinus with steam? After being in zero degree weather for eight hours, nothing felt more comfortable to Bones than a nice hot shower. For the last two minutes, she had merely stood under the faucet, her eyes closed, letting the water and steam burn the frost out of her bloodstream. Figuratively, of course. As her eyes were closed, she began to imagine more steam, more water, soaking her through the skin to the bone, igniting her core once again. Two warm hands massaging her back, the rough callouses adding to her pleasure--

Her eyes shot open again. _Damn it._

She was thinking about Booth again.

What with all the hype bout the sordid case they were assigned to, she hadn't had much time to dwell on anything but the bloody remains she was given to analyze. Now that the day's work was almost done (they still had to look over the x-rays) and the two partners were safely in their cozy inn, the memory of last night was rushing back to her like a food that didn't agree with your stomach. not like this feeling was anything similar. She wasn't a fool; Booth was over thinking what had happened to them even when she had assured him untruthfully of its innocence. Well, she was just getting started.

After another five minutes of scrubbing and rinsing and muscle-loosening, Bones stepped out of the shower with a fresh eagerness unknown to her before. She took pleasure in rubbing lotion over her legs and arms, marveling at how soft she felt afterwards. Her hair she brushed quickly and carelessly with a wooden brush that smoothed it out at once. She turned to the towel rack, where she had hung her pajamas. For a moment, she ran her eyes over the silky garments with distaste; surely Victoria wasn't keeping anything secret with this one, was she? But then her hands grabbed the suit, and when she completely ready for the evening, she opened the bedroom door.

Booth's voice rang from down the hall in the kitchen.

_Hey pretty baby with the high heels on,_

_You give me fever like i've never ever known_

_You're just a product of loveliness_

_I like the groove of your walk, your talk, your dress_

As clueless as she was, Bones knew enough about Michael jackson to know how popular and musically genius he was before he died. She smiled in recognition at the 1980 song.

The warbled sound of Booth's portable iPod dock, with Michael Jackson' dynamic treble, contrasted with Booth's off-key shrieks. But Bones laughed with affection anyway.

She laughed about it when walking out of the bedroom. She laughed even harder when she crept into the living room and caught him imitating MJ's provocative dance moves. He had no idea she was there, and she was planning to keep it that way until he back away from the counter, fell face down on the floor, and humped the ground beneath him in time to the music.

Un-ladylike snorts forced their way out of her mouth faster than she could catch them back, and her knees gave way. her vision swum with mirthful tears, and her stomach was aching with overpowering convulsions. She didn't even notice him getting up from the floor, having stopped his singing. All she could think of was Booth dry-humping the kitchen _floor._

You know that feeling when you're trying to breath, but your stomach is pushing out more breath than you can afford? Even though she knew it wouldn't work, her arms were clasped around her lower torso, as though trying to contain her giggles behind her throat, but to no avail.

Her last hope was to try and send a message to Booth-her guffaws came out harder-and hope he wouldn't be too offended.

"Bo-bo-booth," she gasped. "I ca- I ca-ca-can't brea-hee-hee-hee-heethe!"

"What a tragedy," his voice came to her sounding mockingly steely. "Think of something else."

But all she could think about was Booth dry humping the floor,his face scrunched up into a pout, a spoon in his hand, his face red with excitement, his legs wrapping around hers--

Her laughs stopped as quickly as a car at a red light seen at the last minute. She wrenched her mind with difficulty out of her _something else._ But the mood was gone; in place of mirth was a deep-seated desire that needed to be hidden until the moment was right. Now was not that moment.

She blinked a couple of times until the outline of Booth, his hands on his hips, came as clear as glass.

"What? Didja think about how many bones are in the human skeleton?" Booth joked.

_No. I was thinking about how many times you could hump me in one minute._

"Yes," said Bones breathlessly, rising unsteadily to her feet. "I was, actually. How did you know?"

"Uh...daffodil, daisy, jupiter..." said Booth, his eyebrows raising. "Really?"

"Ah, okay, I forgot," said Bones with a shaky smile. _Heart rate down to normal. Heart rate down to normal._

Booth laughed softly, patting her shoulders exaggeratedly. "Hey, I made some ice cream sundaes for us to eat. You know," he suddenly looked rather shy. "If you wanted to."

"Of course, Booth, thank you!" said Bones enthusiastically. _He's making this too easy._

******************

"Wow, Booth, that was really good," said Bones, setting the empty bowl on the coffee table and leaning back into the cushions of the couch.

"Yeah, well," said Booth, throwing her his "charm" smile. "I'm a one-man wonder." Her responding chuckle caused butterflies to take flight in his stomach, and his charm smile turned into what he was sure was an enamored, cheesy grin. She had liked it. It wasn't much compared to the way the real chefs make it, but she didn't care.

"What kind of ice cream is this?" She asked suddenly, pointing towards the empty dish.

"Ben and Jerry's."

"Who is Ben and Jerry/"

"An ice cream store."

"Ben _and _Jerry suggest two people, Booth. Which one did you go to? Ben's, or Jerry's?"

"Bones, Ben and Jerry''s is the name of an ice cream company named after two real people."

"Oh."

For a moment, it was silent. Then the fire in front of them fizzled out with a clap of lightning. Bones jumped with fright and fell into booth's lap. More specifically, her bum fell onto his--_oooooh..._

Her arms wrapped around his head, forcing it into her chest. Everything was happening so fast, he didn't even have time to register where his nose was, until he smelled buttermilk lotion and lavender in ample lumps against his cheek.

_Oh, come ON!!_

"I hate lightning," said Bones in a small voice. Apparently she didn't know what position they were in; his head in her boobs, her but in his-er-lap, and his hands at her ribs, trying to hold her steady. The silence was broken only by the sound of snow banging against the walls.

But then he felt her move her head, and he slowly raised his won to meet her confused gaze.

"Uh..." he said dumbly in the dark. "Jumpy?"

**A/N: I want to do better than this, so I am probably going to add another chapter sometime tomorrow or over the weekend, and then it's BACk to the schedule!!! Hope you liked it. But I don't expect you to.**


	4. The Dark

**Title: Anything Can Happen In Alaska**

**Author: Not An Infant**

**Rating: T**

**Summary: Booth's hands are really freezing! Brennan knows how to warm him up.**

**Disclaimer: Neither Bones NOR Michael Jackson NOR **_**Jokes Men Won't Laugh At **_**is mine.**

**A/N: Okay, so since I am going away fof the weekend to a place with no internet, I had to update a small filler while I work on my fifth chapter masterpiece for next Thursday. Can't wait for the new episode, can't you????!!!! YAAY!!! And hey, I even watched a little baseball. What with the Yankees in the house, I can see why so many others like it. Anyway, BIG shout out to all supporters who alert, favorite, or review my story. it is your support that keeps me going. **

Out of all the things Brennan didn't understand about religion, she was completely befuddled by the emphasis on virginity and not lusting or committing adultery. Without lust, you wouldn't want to have sex with the person, therefore setting mankind into extinction. There was really nothing special about your virginity, which is a necessary thing to lose to ensure the continuation of the human race. And what was all this crap about, "Thou shalt not commit adultery," and, "lust is a sin?" Was it so wrong to have a burning sensation between her upper thighs, peppered in goosebumps where someone's warm hands touched her? Was it so wrong to feel lightheaded at the scent of him right under her nose, a scent that stayed in her mind even as he pulled away cautiously?

"The fire's out," said Booth after a tense moment of silence, during which she had straightened her shirt out and he had tightly crossed his legs for whatever reason (**I wonder, LOL).**

"Oh," said Bones distractedly. Then her eyes adjusted to the complete darkness surrounding them. It was as eerie as the empty house in Michael Jackson's "Thriller" video. She half-expected a zombie to burst through the door and eat her arm off.

"Can you--"

"Already on it," said Booth, rising to his feet and grabbing his coat.

Bones stood at the door, shaking in fear.

"Don't worry, Bones,I'm not gonna die out there," said Booth in what she knew was a joking manner. "It's not like a zombie's gonna come up behind you and eat off your arm."

It was completely childish, she knew, but she could not resist punching him hard in the arm.

"What the hell was that for?" said Booth incredulously.

"Just get the wood and come back," snapped Bones, and she pushed him out the door before shutting it in his stupid face.

A second later she wished she hadn't; the whole area was dark again, and she was scared to go down the hallway. This irrational fear had first emerged when she was about twelve; she had gone to a block party for halloween, and using a projector, they played, "Night Of The Dead" on a big white sheet that was pinned outside a neighbors house. She had ran home screaming to her parents, who assured her it was unreal and scolded Russ for letting her watch that nonsense. The night she went to bed, she thought she saw a zombie scraping at her window. She ran screaming from her room into the bathroom, where she sat against the door until her fear led her to believe that a zombie was hiding behind the shower curtain. She ran screaming out of the bathroom, too, and by this time, everyone was awake and ready to kill her. She was finally allowed to sleep in Russ's room with him (to his utter displeasure), an idea set up by her grumpy, exhausted parents who saw this as a suitable punishment for Russ's stupidity. After a couple of weeks, she was back to normal, and was able to watch "Night of the Dead" without any worries. Then She and Hodgins were buried alive underneath feet of sand. The small space, eerie radio music, and certainty that she was going to die brought all of her forgotten phobias back to life. To this day, she could not stand absolute darkness, much less in her own solitude.

But while in the midst of her frightened reminiscence, she remembered the good side to all of this; getting more wood meant that Booth's hands would be cold. Again.

She had taken the time to really plan out her offense before she had even started. Give him five chances. Five chances only, and by the time the fifth chance came, he would have gotten the hint and taken the great leap forward. hopefully, the results would not mirror China's.

Heh-heh. that was a _joke. _She had made a political joke. Heh.......

Chuckling a little and feeling considerably better, Bones buried herself deeper into the couch, lying on her side, setting her eyes determinedly on the wooden door, waiting for his return.

It didn't take too long; Booth stumbled again with an armload of wood and bits of snow clinging to his stubble. As he closed the door, he leaned against it, closing his eyes for a moment. Then, without looking at her, he bustled over to the fireplace and dumped half the wood inside.

After the fire had been relit completely, he walked back over to the coat stand, where he placed all his outerwear.

"Booth?" asked Bones sleepily. "Could you turn your iPod dock back on? I'd like to go through whatever songs you have on there."

Booth looked at her, his mouth open and ready to answer, when he froze. She didn't understand why; it's not like she was wearing the nightie from before, her hair wasn't done, and remnants of her sharp makeup still shadowed her face. His mouth slowly closed, and a warm smile graced his lips, almost as if she was a newborn baby taking her first nap. The gleam in his eyes was so intense, yet so loving, that she felt a lump her throat at the sight of it; almost like the way Sully did, but much much better.

"Sure, Bones." He said. "I can do that."

She loves him. Oh, god, she loves him.

And suddenly, she's not so afraid of the zombies anymore.

Either Booth would shoot their asses or Brennan would kick them in the nuts. If they weren't decomposed yet.

**A/N: Ugh, yes I know you might hate me for the short chapter, but I'm going away for a long weekend to a place with no internet, so I put in a little filler for you guys until the second incident. Please review so that I don't cry in shame all weekend.**


	5. The Second Incident

**Title: Anything Can Happen In Alaska**

**Author: Not An Infant**

**Rating: T**

**Summary: Booth's hands are really freezing! Brennan knows how to warm him up.**

**Disclaimer: Neither Bones NOR Taylor Swift NOR **_**Jokes Men Won't Laugh At **_**is mine.**

**A/N: This is going to be a bit more depressing than I had planned, but I was in a very depressed mood after FINALLY getting to watch last Thursday's episode, where Angela and Wendell get together (oh. my. god.) poor Booth doesn't think he's got it anymore.......Anyways, I couldn't wait until eight to post this. I just needed it out of the way. I'm sure nobody is complaining. :) I hope you enjoy this more than I did And I RELLY enjoyed this!!! Look out for a one-shot on "Tough Man In Tender Chicken" soon..... ON WITH THE STORY!!!!**

------Chapter Five: The Second Incident--------

He loves her.

Oh, God, he loves her.

Why did he have to fall in love with a woman who did not believe in love? Why did he have to give up the possibility of kids and marriage for her? Why did he wait for five years, watching fleeting romances and broken promises stiffen the wall around her heart?

Because he was Booth, who was an idiot.

Booths were all idiots, if you think about it. There was Booth Senior, that guy who came back from the war with a thing for beer bottles and cheap women and bruised sons. Then there was Mrs. Booth Senior, the oh-so depressed victim who'd rather go out and party with strangers at two in the morning than make sure Seeley was keeping his grades up. Who could ever forget the mega idiot of his generation, Jared Booth, who popped his way into his brother's life only to date his partner and convince her that the same guy who went through hell to save her from the Gravedigger was a temper mental loser in a couple of hours?

And then there was Seeley. But since we've already established why Seeley Booth was an idiot, there is no need to hash it out again.

So it was with a heavy heart that Booth carried the iPod Dock to her with frozen fingers, hiding his anguish behind a disarming smile.

"Thank you," she said softly, taking the iPod Dock from him. Her warm skin brushed by his knuckles, and a rush of heat stung his fingertips.

"Booth, your hands are freezing again!" said Bones, looking alarmed and taking his hands in hers.

That sentence. Just that sentence, and he knew what was happening next. _Oh, God, no. oh, no, no, no, no. Please no._

He yanked his hands away from hers so fast he knew he had been rude, but couldn't help it. He sat down in the ouch and held his hands out to the fireplace.

"Well, I've got this lovely fire here to warm me up, so, thanks for the concern, but it's nothing to lose your head about." His fake smile and averting sight could never have fooled a toddler, but sometimes, he found out, his partner had the social awareness of an infant. He shook his hands in front of the fire to prove his point.

She did not answer him, and after fifteen seconds, he impulsively turned to look at her. She had cocked her head to the side, squinted her eyes (friggin' _squint) _and her mouth had formed a straight, stiff line. it was clear from her body language that she wasn't buying his cheesy facade of independence. It was like she was rolling her eyes.....even though she wasn't.

"Booth..." she said, drawing his name out like it had five syllables with the air of a person trying to pry the truth out of a disobedient child.

"Come on, Bones," said Booth irritably, dropping his hands and his smile. "Seriously, isn't once enough for you?"

"Booth!" Oh, boy. She had taken on that _"debating Brennan"_ tone. "I'm not going to argue with you about this! It was fine before, and I'm sure it will the fine again! There's nothing to be ashamed of, its only a friend helping each other out."

_That. That right there is why I will never put my hands between her thighs again. _She saw it as platonic, but doing things like that did nothing more than tear his heart up bit by bit, knowing that whatever it meant to him, it would mean nothing to Brennan. And he could never blame her for her feelings of naive-ness to what they had between them, but he would rather not risk bringing pushing his limits to the point where he began to hate her for holding them back.

_Hyprocrite. You drew the damn line._

" Bones, it's just not right," said Booth, trying to keep the pleading note out of his voice.

Bones seemed to contemplate deeply for a few moments. For one wild moment, Booth thought he had won the fight. But then she said, "Okay," and took his iPod out of the dock and raised it high above her head.

"What are you doing?"

"I'm blackmailing you," said Bones easily. "Again. You either do as I say or I throw this down and stomp on it."

_Oh, my, GOD!!!!!!!_

"Bones, I am very serious, if you do not put that iPod down RIGHT NOW--" said Booth frantically, pointing a threatening finger at her.

"If you do not do as I say in FIVE SECONDS--" she retorted, raising the iPod even higher.

"One--"

_This has GOT to be a sign from God that I have to do this._

"Two--"

_Make a decision! It's your boner or your music!_

"Three--"

_Idiot Booth, just continuing to push himself to levels he can't handle!_

"Four--"

_Dear god, please forgive me for my sins..._

"FINE!" he shouted in a rare moment of blind panic. Bones was shocked into silence, the iPod high above her head. Her eyes, wide and questioning, bore into his own with the intensity of a power drill. He gulped.

"How do I know you're not lying to me?" said Bones finally. It was a simple question in a light situation, but before he could stop them, images of Max Keenan, of Zach, of Sully, of even David, and of that scum bag Michael flew across his brain, reminding him of the serious implication of what he had agreed to.

When he spoke, it was of the utmost conviction and honesty.

"I will never lie to you, Temperance." He had turned the embarrassing scenario into one of his many hidden confessions of love, and another chance to cement her trust in him.

"Now, just put the ipod down..._slowly," _said Booth patiently, tearing his gaze away from the deep orbs of blue to check on his iPod. he didn't really care about it anyway; it was just a piece of metal. It was not worth risking her trust, now that he had gotten her this far. _Wow, booth. You take the simplest situation and spiral into the next big step on the moon._

The hand with his lump of metal lowered agonizingly slow. He could tell that she wasn't so sure of his true intentions, so he did something that was sure to land him in hell; he scooted closer to her and tucked his hands into her thighs without a second thought. "Hey, see, I'm honest." His voice came out like a coo, and he hoped to God that she wouldn't see it as a patronizing move. Bu the iPod landed back in the dock, which was moved to her small hands.

She smiled at him; she knew. She had always known.

"Jeez, Bones," he joked, trying to ease the tension back to a bare minimum. "You really know how to make a man do what you tell them to. I'm surprised you haven't taken my job yet as an Agent!"

"Why would I take your job, Booth?" she asked innocently. "Although I do have a better sense of objectivity than you and essentially don't use twisted figures of speech to confuse everyone, you're the one with the muscles and the reading skills, therefore making you the more intimidating Agent."

_So Bones. _ "That's my girl," he said, choosing not to add that he had become much more objective since meeting her,thank you very much.....nor did he bother to answer that with her looks, there was a ninety percent chance that she could sway suspects in her favor. He should know; he was one of the lucky bastards.

He looked down at his hands, which were seated between her satin covered legs. Compared to last time, the FEEL was not as soft (what could be softer than her sin) but the heat that thawed his poor fingers out slowly was just as comforting.

Next thing he knew, she had hoisted her self onto his lap. Full body. Completely. ON HIS LAP!!!

"Uh, Bones?" he said nervously/ "What are you doing here?"

"I'm making it easier for you to sink your hands in without anybody being uncomfortable," Bones replied, scrolling through his playlists.

_Uncomfortable? She has got to be kidding me._

"Booth," said Bones, an evil grin spreading across her face. "You never told me that you liked--"

_Drew looks at me_

_I fake smile so he won't see_

"Oh, uh, how did that get in there?" Booth stammered; he sounded exactly like Bones did when he found out about her love for Foreigner.

"Come on, Booth," she teased, eyes sparkling. "Everyone has a soft spot for Swift."

_She used a figure of speech._

She used a figure of SPEECH?

"You used a figure of speech," said Booth, staring at her in disbelief. She ignored him.

"Oh, this is the album version! I like this one better than the radio version!" she exclaimed.

"You do?" Booth said, smiling. He had yet to find someone who did.

"Yes," she replied. "It's much more sentimental, and it lets you listen to the lyrics more than the loud snare! This song......it's very sweet. I'm sure many people can relate to it at some point in their lives. Don't you think?"

It was a hard question to answer. Sometimes, when he sang to himself, he accidentally replaced "Drew" with "Bones," before shutting his mouth quickly. in truth, he had only started listening to this song when Sully had come into her life and taken her away from him. Every night, when he no longer had to expect her arrival for Thai Food, he sat next to his radio with a bottle of beer and a broken heart, swaying unsteadily to Taylor Swift's young and unaffected voice speak of something that she thought she had experienced. And then, when Sully left Bones for him to comfort and rebuild, he had forgotten about the song and only listened to songs that uplifted him and gave him hope that just maybe there was luck in his corner. He had, however, made a point to change the station whenever Taylor Swift in general came on, so as to steer away from the bitter memories.

And still, he had not made a move on her.

"Yes," he said, after a long moment of silence, cursing himself for his hoarse voice. "It's hard to go through life without being heartbroken by your best friend."

_Whoa, too much information there, buddy._

"I concur," said Bones, a shadow passing over her beautiful face. "When Michael betrayed me and said all those things about me in the middle of a trial, I felt like I had lost my best friend and my mentor."

Before the rage at Michael's name overtook him, Booth hastened, "That's...not quite what I mean, though you are on point with the being let down and stuff. I mean when the person you adore is someone who you can trust to always be around, even when you're at your worst. Someone who trusts you to do the same. You've been through everything together, and have shared secrets that neither of you will ever share with anybody else. There isn't a single person in the world who knows you better than this one person, and you're pretty sure that they feel the same way about you. On those terms, at least."

It was like popping a champagne bottle; once the cork was off, all the foam and wine poured out, relieving the pressure that had been building up from the moment you shook it. He couldn't stop himself if he wanted to.

"But what that heartbreaking thing is is that this someone, who you care about so much, doesn't know how much they mean to you, and probably never will, because you're too stupid to tell them and take a chance, because you're scared more of rejection than unrequited love. And then you watch them walk away with somebody else, who doesn't know them like you do, and you can't help but wish they would see how perfect you'd be together if they'd just give you a chance, the same chance you're to scared to take. And that in itself is worse pain than the chance of rejection, because that person will not leave your thoughts for a long time."

_He's the reason for the Teardrops on my guitar_

_The only one who keeps me wishing on a wishing star_

"So when Taylor Swift sings about heartbreak like this, she's inadvertently blaming herself and this Drew guy. They both didn't take a chance that only she knew was there."

Booth inhaled a deep breath after his monologue, the red creeping up to his chest. _I can't believe I said all of that in front of her._

But her face was quite clear of any understanding; she had not picked up on who he was directing his heart towards. He was safe.

"I have never felt anything like that," she came out with, sounding strangled. "I've never had to deal with that."

If he had not been so caught up in the moment, he would have noticed, as he normally, that her voice held no hint of honesty, like she was trying to hide something, or trying to get something across to him. But at the very moment, all he could register were her words, bringing him back to the reality.

You know, that place where he would never get to be with Temperance Brennan.

His chest tightened; he had to hold his breath to hold back a shaky breath; the lump in his throat was more painful than the bullet he had taken for Bones so long ago, when he had yet to truly understand the extent of his feelings.

"Yeah, well, hopefully you never have to," said Booth. "It'll mean that you found a man who could tell you that he loves you and mean it." It took all he had to keep his voice level with the composed mask on his face.

She smiled, and once again, if he had taken the time to notice, he would have noticed that her lower lip trembled ever so slightly (but enough for someone like him to notice--if he was paying attention!)

"Has it happened to you?" she asked, staring at her lap and crossing her arms.

"Y-no," Booth stuttered. But she glared at him until he sighed. "Yeah, but don't worry, Bones, I got over it."

He had done it; he had broken his promise never to lie. Idiot booth.

"What time is it?" she asked, her eyes beginning to droop.

He gratefully looked away from her at his digital watch. "10:30. Tired?"

"Mmm...yeah..." she mumbled, leaning into his chest, trapping him with his hands between her legs. _What? She was fine a minute ago? Ah, well, it's Bones....who cares?_

"Want to sleep in your bed?" he protested half heartedly.

"Too tired to move..." she whispered. "Sorry...night Booth..."

Aw, hell; what was the point? He had already given in to desire before; it wasn't like he wanted to separate from her, even though it hurt so much right now to be this close to an Untouchable Angel.

"night, Bones...." she was already asleep.

Life was so fucking difficult; out of all the women in his life who he could have been marked by, it was her. She didn't believe in love or marriage or kids or romance, or the language of the heart. She was giving him so much physical access, and no leeway into the secure chamber of her loving heart. And now she was bringing up the darker side of his devotion, without knowing she was reason for it. And still, and still, he was hopelessly in love with her. There was no way he was going to sleep tonight. Not after all this.

A single tear slipped out of his left eye; he slipped his hands free and angrily wiped it away.

_Drew looks at me_

_I fake a smile so he won't see..._

And in doing so, he missed the quick movement of the woman in his arms as she flicked her own fat tears away.

**A/N: That, my friends, was four days of writing, screaming, deleting, rewriting, and editing. I hope you really felt the emotion here. I was playing the song the entire time i wrote this, so it was like I was actually there, just documenting the whole thing. Read and review. Thanks for the support.**


	6. NOTICE

Hey guys!

I'm going to go out on a limb here and guess that you're somewhat mad at me.

You have good reason to be.

I know I have not posted tonight like I was supposed to, but tomorrow I am going to go see New Moon, and I wanted to incorporate the event of Opening Night into Booth and Brennan's alaskan rendezvouz. I promise you guys, it will be worth the wait.

WHO LOVED THIS WEEK'S EPISODE!!! I LOVE BOOTH'S GRANDFATHER!!!!! CLUB JIGGLE LMAO!!!

Once again, I'm sorry, but you won't regret your tolerance.

Thank you all so much.

NOT AN INFANT


	7. The New Moon

**Title: Anything Can Happen In Alaska**

**Author: Not An Infant**

**Rating: T**

**Summary: Booth's hands are REALLY FREEZING!...Brennan has a way to help.**

**Disclaimer: No, Bones is not mine. No, Twilight isn't either, otherwise I'd have made Jacob imprint on Leah. Yeah, I know, right?**

**A/N: NEW MOON WAS BEYOND COOL!!!!!! I swear, I'm seeing it again! Advice, though: in order to not repeat the horrific experience with the Harry Potter movies (you know, where you read the book and the movie disappoints the crap out of you) then do what I did---I didn't touch a single book from Twilight (even though I read them all last year) and blurred all the major details and points so that I could be as amazed as when I first saw the movie (without having read the books). I'm telling you, you will not be disappointed. BTW, even though it can be annoying at times, I suggest you go see the movie when it's full. That way the girls scream and you can laugh at them and the people who tell them to shut up. But then go se it again when it's empty, so you can actually HEAR THE WORDS. :)**

**But enough of my ranting. I have a filler to post.**

Chapter Six: The New Moon

If Temperance Brennan were Bella Swan for a day, and had to make a choice between Jacob Black and Edward Cullen, she would have chosen Jacob in a heartbeat. Setting aside the logical reasons, the most essential being that eternal living vampires did not exist, nor were they, in original myths, beautiful, she could never see herself running after innocent animals with cold skin and golden eyes. What was so different between animals and humans? They had all come to Earth in the same way; killing either one was no better than the other. What if she killed a mother, a baby, a struggling crippled mammal? No, that would never do. At least with Jacob, though she knew werewolves did not exist either, she could be wild and free and leave both humans and animals alone; she could mingle with everybody else without attraction unwanted attention, and she could feel that irresistible warmth and coziness of sleep. She had never gone for perfection; it frightened her, by some point. Edward was too in love, too protective, and too dead to be alive. Knowing you will never die can make you stop taking the chances you would have taken if you knew were heading for the grave tomorrow. Temperance wanted the joy of knowing that she did everything she wanted and needed to do for herself and for her fellow humans in the shortest amount of time. Like Rosalie, she wanted to be gray-haired and wrinkled, naturally so, and she wanted to one day take her final breath fighting as hard as she could for the good of the world. With Jacob, she would have that chance to take a chance.

Most of all, Temperance would have picked Jacob over Edward because of the fatal decision Edward had made in _New Moon _(She still doesn't know why she read those books). He had made Bella believe that he did not love her, that she wasn't part of his world, that he could be easily distracted, that he didn't want her near. And then he left her, hurting them both, all because he wanted her to have a chance at a life she did not want. Temperance scoffed at such a foolish reason, and would gladly kick the steel cold balls of the even more foolish boy who rightfully called himself a demon. She could tell from experience that he left because she was a human, and therefore seemingly incapable of loving him as much as he loved her. He was scared of her rejection one day, of her finding another human, or just getting sick of her limited lifestyle. He could play Mr. Willing-to-let-go all he wanted; Brennan, with her own history, could se right through him; he was just as human as Bella was. He just didn't trust her love enough. And so he broke her heart worse than she could ever break his.

No, Temperance had had enough of that life; she wanted someone who was scared, but could stay. Jacob promised never to leave. Jacob fought for Bella's love with everything he had, with strong arguments and reasoning on his side. He enveloped Bella in warmth, not sparkling ice, and never, ever gave up, until Bella (fool) made it clear that she could only choose Edward.

Bells was a stupid girl. Tempe would have snatched up Jacob if he were her age, and had Renesmee not been born. But it was okay. Nessie could have Jacob. Tempe had her own Jacob right here with her, grumbling about obssessed teenage girls.

For most of the day, they had to follow a suspect, Mr. Moby's plumber, around until something suspicious drove them to surprise him. At first it was nothing out of the ordinary--houses for plumbing, supermarket, cafe for lunch--but then, as they always do when Bones and Booth are on the cases, the true colors appreadred in the strangest Way. This forty-four year old man-child, who was accused twice of child molestation, bought tickets to see the 12:01 AM show for _New Moon. _Seeley being an FBI Agent, he and her were able to worm their way in without notice. it was a sickening sight; the guy was drooling whenever the blond vampire came into view. When she wasn't on screen, he stared at other girls, chatting quietly and screaming for Robert Pattinson. The movie itself wasn't all that bad; in fact, taking the illogicality out of the picture, Brennan rather enjoyed the basic premise of emotion and loyalty. She expected Booth to make a crack at her when conversations of the "Alpha Male Wolf" came up. He did, but that was the only time he was actually in a good mood. Being as late as they were, he and her were scrunched into a seat to the far far left, between fifteen girls with team jacob or team edward shirts tied above their hips. They were squealing excitedly over Booth and Brennan, and just when Booth was about to bite into his unhealthy pizza slice, "that stupid kid Jake" sprang into Bella's house with no shirt on. The shrieks after that were earsplitting, and Booth had jumped so violently that his pizza slice slipped from his hands and fell in his lap, steaming hot and with cheese still hanging from Booth's teeth.

(Needless to say, the stain on the crotch of his new pants was not easily explained to the fellow Agents at FBI headquarters, and Brennan knew better than to ask to drive back to the hotel this time.)

Tempe had barely registered Booth slapping the pervert in handcuffs; there was a particular voice ringing in her head, that of a Native American werewolf.

_I would never do anything to hurt you..._

It was hard to keep the smile of her face in the car drive home. That was her Booth. Jake had stolen his line, had voiced the very thing Booth had done for her since the "rat _bastard_" days.

Now, if only she could push it towards, _I would never stop loving you,even if I wanted to....._

"I am never,ever going to be able to look at Twilight in the same way _ever again!" _Booth snapped as they closed the hotel door behind them. "What kind of self-respecting human begin wants to put themselves through that experience?"

"Oh, Booth," sighed Brennan. "They're young and hormonal. Screaming at a physically appealing male is their way off venting their sexual maturity."

"I'm going to have nightmares of teenage fan girls wearing god-awful team jacob t-shirts," said Booth stubbornly.

"You're just mad because they scared you into dropping your pizza all over your crotch area."

"Scared? That was a freshly made, extra cheesy, still steaming hot mega slice from Pizza Hut! It looked like I had soiled myself all night!"

"Actually, judging by the reactions of the girls and thier mothers after the movie, you seemed to have ejaculated--"

"Oh, my GOD!" Booth threw his hands in the air. "That's it! I'm going to take a shower, and when I come out, there will be no more inappropriate comments about pizza or _Twilight_ or--"

"I never said anything about _Twilight_, but now that you mention it--"

"No! I don't wanna hear it!" Booth clamped his hands over his ears and shut his eyes tight. Brennan fought hard to keep a straight face. "Just--leave it alone, when I come out, alright?"

"Fine," said Brennan, raising her hands into the air. Booth stalked off like a child, leaving Brennan to check on her emails. This is exactly why religion is ridiculous; it made him so scared of sex.

She took her Macbook to the kitchen counter and quickly logged on to her email, hoping for a new update on the x-rays she sent to the team.

"No new emails..." she sighed after five minutes, signing out of her account. She couldn't expect the forensics team to come up with something big in just one day. They were good, but not _that _good.

She clicked off safari and stared at her blue desktop screen for a few seconds. A certain boy's words were echoing in her head like madness.

_108 degrees over here...._

Her hands shot out and re-opened the browser. Her hands typed in "Victoria's Secret." She had noticed a small version of the store not so far from the hotel, but she didn't mention it to Booth, who was probably going to vomit after seeing so many topless guys on screen that he didn't want to think about anything involving little clothing.

A blast of push up bras and little panties shocked her eyes for a moment before she returned to what she came to do.

_Slips, slips, push up bras, nighties, lingerie.......LINGERIE UNDER A SLIP!_

If Bella thought Edward was hot, then Brennan had a good idea what Booth would think of her when she received her new underclothes.

**A/N: I've broken this whole thing into two parts. This was part one of the Twilight influenced chapter. Part two will come next Saturday.** Sorry!!!!!


	8. The Heart That Beats

**Title: Anything Can Happen In Alaska**

**Author: Not An Infant**

**Rating: T**

**Summary: Booth's hands are REALLY FREEZING!...Brennan has a way to help.**

**Disclaimer: No, Bones is not mine. No, Twilight isn't either. Duh.**

**A/N: Reader---You horrid liar, why didn't you post on Saturday?**

**Me--I'm sorry! I didn't mean to! I swear! I just had no choice! I couldn't do it!**

**Reader--Excuses, excuses... (rolls eyes)**

**Me---I MEAN IT! I was viciously attacked by the Post-Thanksgiving Monster!**

**Reader--What?**

**Me--You know, commonly found around areas where people overeat. It pounces on you and poisons your stomach until everything you put away comes right back!**

**Reader---UGH! Too much information! Just get on with the story!**

**Me---Thank you. (smiles)**

_Chapter Seven---The Heart That Beats_

Top Five Reasons Why Booth Doesn't Like Alaska

It's an icebox.

The pizzas are too oily.

The hotel doesn't have a TV.

It's filled with perverts who get off on teen romance flicks.

Close proximity with Bones means more cold showers, and it's too cold for cold showers.

Booth gasped as the 88 degree water stung his bare skin. It had been the first time he had used hot water since they had been dragged into this frozen wasteland. But after the depressing day at work (teen girls were crazy) he deserved the relaxing sensation of a warm shower to loosen the tension in his muscles. Besides, this was one of those nights where Booth did more contemplating than washing.

You would think that with eyeing the creep at the theater while wiping pizza cheese off his crotch that Booth would have forgotten what the movie itself was even about. But before the whole debacle with the food, Booth was actually paying more attention to the movie than he had ever expected. What began as a stupid little hormonal soap opera turned into an interesting experience. All foolish mythical components aside, the actual humane plot was something to debate about. He was sure Bones had noticed, because according to her, his eyes were boring into the screen (not her words).

But after you got over how stupid the hype about it was, you learned to focus on the main idea; boy leaves soul mate in a love-coma, another boy makes friends with girl and starts slowly but surely bringing her out of her love-coma while falling in love with her, girl knows she can never love new friend back but holds her tongue anyway, then soul mate comes back and new friend gets pissed at how quickly girl returns to soul mate.

From the very moment Jacob Black appeared on the screen, Booth didn't like him. Really, he swears it. Not his veneer-filled smile, not his hippie hair, not his eyes that squinted more than the forensic team at home, not his "I'm so cool because I can fix a motorcycle" attitude, not his prissy glares.....just _nothing _about him. But he guessed, halfway through the "human Jake" part of the movie, that if he made Bella happy, than that was all that mattered. Then came the Gay Fiance, trotting about with his shirt off and inducing wild shrieks in the audience, with his dry sobs of,"You're everything to me...." and just when Booth was about to internally tell Eddie where he could stick his apology, he noticed how truly happy Bella was. He didn't understand it, but once again, if Eddie made her happy for now, than no one else could talk.

And then, who should make life hard for Bella again but that frickin' _hippie _who wasn't even wearing a shirt anymore. He says he can't be Bella's friend, and that he hated her boyfriend. Obviously, Bella wanted to stay friends, but this idiot who promised never to hurt her, was trying to make her choose. Some friend. If that were Booth, he would have congratulated them for finding themselves again, and then secretly warn Edward never to hurt her again. That was the true meaning of a friend in love--no matter what it costs you, you let the one you love have happiness. Guess Jakey-boy didn't get the memo. Booth knew first hand; he had to deal with the pain every time his own soul mate walked out the door with someone else.

So yeah, you could say Booth was "Team Edward," but by a hair....only because he made Bella abnormally happy and Jacob was an asshole.

He didn't know how long he had been standing in the shower, but looking at his red skin told him it was way too long. hastily, he scrubbed himself before stepping out, shaking water out of his hair. Then, searching for his clothing, he realized he had nothing to wear.

_Come on._

Reluctantly, he snatched his bathrobe from the door hook and wrapped it around his body, pulling the belt around his waist tightly. Sending a quick prayer to God to keep Bones from seeing him like this, he slowly inched open the door before tentatively stepping into the cold hallway. A blast of the aroma of macaroni and cheese shot into his nostrils before--

"Booth?"

_Fuck you, God._

Teeth clenched, wishing he were anywhere but here, Booth slowly turned on the spot to face his doom.

And froze.

Bones was standing in the middle of the living room, wearing black sweatpants and a violet camisole underneath a long sleeve shirt. Her hair was somewhat fluffed after the wind had tore through it all day, and she had washed all the makeup off her face. In the place of a fiery soldier of the genius he worked with for so long, he now came face to face with a rare appearance of a unblemished, fragile, almost child-like sweetheart, her eyes sparkling without the help of any lights. It was here at this moment when booth thought he understood how Edward saw Bella.

And there he went again with the Twilight references. _I'm going to arrest Stephanie Meyer._

And then his imperfect angel spoke .

"Wow, Booth, I've never seen you so exposed before," she said, a hint of a smile on her pink lips. "Well, except for that time when I walked in on you taking a bath."

Way to ruin the moment. He tightened the belt.

"I was just going to get some clothes," he said, heat creeping inside his cheeks.

"Why?" asked Bones. It was clear that she was genuinely confused.

"I can't walk around here with a bathrobe!" said Booth incredulously. "It's unnatural."

"Actually, it was once natural to wear little or no clothing," pointed out Bones. "It still is in some countries. Just because American is a hypocritical country, doesn't mean that the rest of the world is."

"Hyprocritical?!" How did normal etiquette add up to hypocrisy with Bones?

"America deems it illegal to wear revealing clothing, but we were born naked and our ancestors once live without clothing."

"Okay, before we get into an argument over this that will no doubt last into midnight, I'm just gonna cave in and say you're right. As usual."

"Well, of course I am," said Bones, smiling her breathtaking smile again. "I am probably the smartest scientist at the Jeffersionian."

"The Jeffersionian, maybe," said Booth, smirking slyly, going into the kitchen, "But what about the world?"

Her mouth opened in shock, and he smiled at having rendered her temporarily speechless.

The source of the aroma was sitting in a black pot on the stove, the lid covering whatever was inside. He thought about opening it, but the mildly menacing look of Bren's face persuaded him off that mindset.

"If you'll excuse me, Bones," he said, "I am going to dress in some decent clothes."

"The food will be ready in a minute!" she called before he shut the door.

Due to the lack of clean laundry (Booth is very aware how lazy he is) he could only wear black sweats and a worn white tank top. For the first time in a long time, he felt nervously self-conscious as he tried to fix up his hair in the mirror. She was one of the few people on this Earth who cared what he wore, but the desire to absolutely perfect for her had risen after seeing the generous amount of food she had provided.

_I bet EDWARD doesn't have to worry about looking good in front of Bella. JESUS CHRIST!!! STOP WITH THE TWILIGHT!!_

He finally accepted that his hair was fine, bit his lip and pushed himself through the door.

Two steaming bowls of mac and cheese were already siting patiently on two placements on the table. One big glass bowl of salad was between them, as a monument to Bren's wonderful cooking. He instantly relaxed when she smiled gently at him, even pulling out his chair before sitting in her own.

"Thanks, Bones," he said, though the words felt lame and artificial; it just wasn't enough to cover everything about her he was thankful for.

"You're very welcome," she replied easily, "Although tomorrow you are cooking for me."

Booth sighed dramatically. "Fine, then! Subject yourself to my food at your own risk!"

She laughed with him, a little more color coming into her cheeks.

"So, what did you think of the movie we caught Mr. Moby's Assistant in?" said Brennan.

_Oh, no, not again._

"I wasn't really paying attention," he lied smoothly, sipping some water.

"Yes, you were," she said, frowning. "Up until you dropped your pizza, you were quite fixated on the screen, and even after, you focused on what was happening. I know I did."

"Alright, so I was focusing on it a little bit," said Booth resignedly. "I thought it was good. I just don't like that Jacob kid."

"What?"

She actually looked affronted.

"Why not, Booth?"

"Well, come on, Bones," said Booth, "The kid was trying to make Stella--"

"Bella," she interrupted. "Her name was Bella."

"Whatever, then, _Bella..._he was trying to make _Bella _choose him instead of Edward, and Edward is obviously her perfect match made in heaven, so--"

"First of all, there is no such thing as heaven," she said, her features growing uncharacteristically flat. "Secondly, though I don't know what that saying means exactly, I get the idea, and I disagree. Edward is selfish and extremely foolish. She was obviously in love with him enough to want to lose everything for him, and he rejected her."

"Bones, out of all the people who'd disagree with me, why did it have to be you?" Booth moaned. "Jacob is young and immature, and he's not thinking about how Bella really feels."

"Of course he is," Bones countered. "He was the one how helped her get through every day emotionally while Edward was gone. If you ask me, it's _her _who is being inconsiderate."

"_What?" _Booth was seriously alarmed now; in no way could he see how Bella was being inconsiderate in any way. She couldn't help her feelings.

"Jacob is in love with her, Booth," said Brennan, the familiar fire burning into her voice when she became passionate about something. "He's seen what Edward's absence did to her those eight months, and he wants nothing more to see her happy, even more so with him as her 'lover.'" She used her fingers to quote the word, "Lover."

"But she's only happy with Edward, Bones, so what's the point?" said Booth irritably.

"Let me finish! He knows that, and she has made it clear to him, so then he only asks for some acknowledgement of the good he has done her, which she gives until Edward comes back, begging her to take him back, as if nothing ever happened! And she takes him back, alienating Jacob, leaving him behind to save her ex, who supposedly doesn't want her anymore....and then she tells him not to make her choose, because it will always be Edward?! Can you not see the irrationality in this?"

"Bones, of course I do!" Booth snapped, trying to calm her down with the edge in his voice. "I know Edward was a complete asshole to her, and that he probably would do it again if he thought it was what was best for her. But he makes her happy! More happy than if she was stuck with just Jacob. And no matter what flaws Jake thinks Edward has-"

"He has a _lot _of flaws, Booth," she said, rolling her eyes.

"Will you let me finish?" _What the hell is up with her? _"Whatever flaws he has, he obviously loves her just as much as she loves him. He was prepared to kill himself over her supposed death, Bones. That's love."

"That's not love, that was an impulsive suicidal act of shock!"

"He loved her, Bones!!" This was just a teen movie; he should not have had to stop himself from shouting at his stubborn partners. "He loved her, and Jake should want her to be with the one she really loved."

Bones leaned forward, her eyes blazing, her cheeks flushed. "Booth....he _broke _her _heart. _Almost _literally,"_ she said through clenched teeth.

"Yeah, and Jacob didn't put it back together again. Edward did."

"Booth, both you and I know that if either of us saw someone do something that bad to the other, we'd be angrier than Jacob. Especially if either of us got back together with the same person who left us like that."

Booth sighed deeply. "i know, Bones...but when you really loved somebody as much as Jake says he does, you want them to be happy."

A moment of silence followed, in which the two partners locked burning eyes over a half-empty plate of dinner.

Bones was the first to look away.

"I just--hate when someone hurts someone else like that...." she said, all the fight drained for her voice as she went back to eating.

"The way Edward did to Bella?" Booth asked tentatively, somewhat disconcerted by the change in her attitude.

"Like that way Bella hurt Jacob," said Bones, not looking up at him. "If that were me, I'd want a heart that beats. And beats love."

The tension was thick, thicker than the swelling lump in Booth's throat. It was like she was never really talking about Bella as much as she was talking about herself. The only lover who had abandoned her in a way was Sully....was Booth over thinking things, or did Sully's departure hurt her more than she let on?

He did not want to talk about things like this tonight. Now now, not for a very long time. He just wanted to eat the food and forget about the conversation.

(This is what teen romance flicks do to grown adults with similar love problems.)

They ate the rest of dinner in silence, cooling down emotionally, trying not to think about the implications of their argument.

Over a mother****ing _teen movie._

About ten minutes later, the bowls were empty, the salad was sitting in Bren's stomach, and the cups were empty of water.

Bones turned to Booth, all the angry flush replaced with a sultry glow, and said, freezing Booth's movements and stirring his mini-booths,

"You up for dessert?"

**A/N: I know how short this is, but like I said, the chapter was cut into two. Thank you for understanding why I was so late, and I promise to try harder next time. REVIEW!!!**


	9. The Way We Are

**Title: Anything Can Happen In Alaska**

**Author: Not An Infant**

**Rating: T**

**Summary: Booth's hands are REALLY FREEZING!...Brennan has a way to help.**

**Disclaimer: No, Bones is not mine. **

**A/N: The next two chapter are divided into two parts. The first one is the important prelude. The second one is the steam you've all been looking for....muahahahahahahaha....**

_Chapter Eight-----The Way We Are_

Dessert. A sweet course eaten at the end of a meal. Made with nuts or chocolate or vanilla or ice cream. In other words, _not human. _Brennan was not dessert. Brennan was human. So why was Booth imagining Brennan sittitng on a mound of strawberry icecream with a cherry hanging from her perfectly shaped mouth?

"Uh, yeah, sure, dessert..." he mumbled, as she got up and pranced over to the kitchen, opening the fridge. "Wait, we don't have any dessert, Bones!"

"Yes we do," she replied matter-of-factly. "I bought some."

"You _bought _some?"

"Why is that so hard to believe, Booth? Is it unnatural that I should want the same things you want?"

Brennan sitting on a mound of strawberry ice cream with a cherry in her mouth wearing nothing but banana peels. Yeah. That was what she wanted for sure.

"Well, what did you get?"

She turned around to face him with a smile, holding up a white shopping bag.

"What's in the bag?"

She shook her head and put the bag down, grabbing his hands and pulling him up.

"I have to prepare it perfectly, and I want it to be a surprise!"

"huh?"

"Go into the bedroom for a minute, get relaxed, take a shower, look over some papers, and when I'm ready I will call you out."

Why, why, _why _couldn't Brennan see how WRONG she was sounding? For a moment, Booth felt like he really was with her, and that this was their normal game....

"O-kay," he said finally, walking to the bedroom. Once inside, he looked around to smile at her, but then the door slammed in his face and her beaufitul visage was gone.

Whew. Letting out a breath, Booth rubbed his hands against his cheeks, and commenced to pondering the intricate web of mystery surrounding the woman of his dreams.

Brennan checked for a moment to make sure the door was closed for good, then she scrambled to the kitchen where she threw open the cabinet under the sink. She pulled out a medium-sized bag and felt her heart pounding like the fist on a door. Her mind traveled to a few days back....

**"Angela?"**

**"...H-H-Helloooo?" yawned the artist.**

**"Angela! Wake up?! Wake! Up!"**

**"Ss-sweetie! What the h-hell are you caling me so early for?.....fuckin' **_**three in the morning! **_**Wha--Oh my god, did Booth die? Is he **_**dead?"**_

**"No, Angela, listen to me--"**

**"I knew there was going to be trouble over there in that fuckin' icebox!"**

**"Ange! Please! I'm trying to keep quiet here, but if you continue to yell over me, I'll have to shout and wake him up!"**

**"Wake who up?"**

**"Booth!"**

**"..."**

**"Angela?"**

**"...You're in a room with **_**Booth?"**_

**"Just listen to me, Ange! I need you to send me the most physically appealing nightgown in the next three days!"**

**"........"**

**"Hello? Are you still there?"**

**"You want me to do what?"**

**"Send me a provocative outfit like the ones you always buy at Mongolia's Secret!"**

**"It's **_**Victoria's Secret, **_**Bren, and I am not going to buy you a bunch of lingerie so you can seduce another man."**

**"Huh?"**

**"Any other man than Booth!"**

**"What makes you think I wouldn't try to seduce Booth?"**

**"Because I **_**know you**_**, goddammit. You wouldn't even let the man kiss you under the mistletoe last christmas!"**

**"......(mumbled)maybe not that christmas..."**

**"Excuse me?"**

**"Nothing, Ange, just--please......this isn't for anyone other than Booth. This is for Booth."**

**"Wh--"**

**"Don't scream, or shout, or tell me how to do correctly seduce him. This is my time, **_**my time, **_**to show him how I feel, and I am going to do it my way. But I need your help."**

**"......"**

**"Well?"**

**".....You do realize, sweetie, that you had me at the moment you said it was for Booth, right?"**

**"Oh, thank, you Angela, **_**thank you! **_**And I will be sure to buy you some lingerie when you decide you want to get back together with Hodgins!"**

**"Shut up, sweetie, it's still three in the morning."**

Brennan had been taking her time, waiting for the right moment to show up. The past few days had been good. The more she made him put his hands between her thighs, the more she saw his will begin to break. Just yesterday, they had connected even more than she thought possible, without her even knowing so at the then, tonight, they had gotten into an argument**, **which ruined the mood and killed the karma she was expecting. Now, it was no longer an option to play games and waste these moments. it was time to bring out the big guns, as Booth might say, or in other words, "bring it home."

Of course, she would have to make the dessert before she put on the clothes in case any food got on it....

On the other hand, Booth loved wipe of food when he saw some drop on her clothing.....

_Trust, trust, trust, trust, trust that this is going to work please please let this work..._

"Booth? Booth?"

About fifteen minutes later, just when Booth was halfway done counting the whiskers on his cheek, her sultry voice wafted through the cracks of the door like an irresistable aroma.

"Jeez, Bones," he said irritably, flinging open the door and stomping down the hall. "I was just about to get to one hundred whiskers on my..."

His voice was lost somewhere in his throat.

**A/N: I was born evil. Love me, hate me, review me.**


	10. AN

Author's Note: I have totally lost my interest in watching Bones. The writing has become less funny, and this constant dragging plot between Bones and Booth is no longer juicy and exciting, but rather forced and cliche. Until I sense ANY kind of difference in plot, I don't think I can bear to watch it. This revelation has caused me writer's block for Alaska. You can consider it ON HIATUS until further notice. For now, I'm diving into "A Different World," one of the best sitcoms of the 90's. I love the relationship between Whitley and Dwayne, and for all women, I hope you find a man like him. For all men, I hope you have the heart to love a woman like Whitley. LOL. Here's just a lil somethin' somethin' to fill in the lonely ADW archive. It deserves a lil more respect, don't ya think? :)


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